My Journey Through Psychosis – by Lori


This article was generously submitted by a guest writer for xxhatred.com

Credit:
Written by Lori.
http://lorib643.tumblr.com/

My Journey Through Psychosis

I had a psychotic break in 2003.  I was hearing loud voices. Mostly of people I know, who weren’t there.

I thought my parents were going to harm me. I ran away from them on a road trip (they wanted to take me away from my children who were 2 and 4 at the time, until I was better) and ended up in a county hospital on a 72 hour hold, 5150.

I started thinking my therapist was sending me messages through the media and that I had a special skill to decipher these messages; that I would come into a lot of money for this special skill.

I was very distracted and overprotective of my children because I was worried someone would harm them. I cut off contact with people, relatives, I didn’t trust.  I was convinced people were using mind control, and everyone was either in on it or clueless.

At one point I was hospitalized. I thought i was there for research and de-programming. They changed my medication but I downplayed my symptoms. I thought they already knew everything. So, I left as symptomatic as when I came in. That was in 2005.

I don’t remember the year well, but I was pretty delusional. I thought people were sending me messages. The messages were hidden in written and spoken words or visual. It was a lot like the Truman show. Everyone was acting and I couldn’t break through the 4th wall. There was even product placement.

I realize now I was hearing their voices, too, but I didn’t realize that at the time. My psychiatrist put me on a different anti-psychotic that I finally responded to. My diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type.

After the messages stopped, I felt lost. I had no one to guide me, to entertain me, to keep me company. I wondered if the messages stopped because they were mad or bored, and not because of the medication. I still have doubts about what was real. I have to put them aside so I can go about my day.

Notes from Brien (xxhatred)

Thank you for sharing this, Lori.
I can relate to you in some ways, so I imagine it has been a struggle for you.
I’m glad you responded well to one of the medications, and I hope you are doing better now!

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